Normal or Inevitable?

We hope you don't fall into the trap of thinking that it is normal or inevitable for your relationship to fade or decline or continually be in a rut through your years together. Yes, there are stages that your marriage may experience, but it doesn't mean that your marriage is doomed to be without passion.

If you feel "disappointed, defensive or critical towards your partner", Douglas LaBier, Ph.D., recommends using what he calls the "art of creative indifference" to revitalize your marriage. LaBier describes this approach as refraining from "engaging in those old ways."

"You can never make your partner change or be different. You can only change how you deal with, respond to, and conduct yourself towards him or her."
Source: Douglas LaBier, Ph.D. "A Declining Relationship? Recharge It Through 'Indifference.'" PsychologyToday.com 4/22/2010.

While we agree with LaBier about not being able to change your spouse and the importance of changing your own responses, we think his use of the term "creative indifference" may confuse folks. If you are in a difficult marriage that only you want to change, we recommend that you accept that you can't change your spouse, face the issues and realities in your marriage, make time to get to know yourself again, consider giving your marriage a spring cleaning, and find ways to respond differently when the two of you have the same arguments over and over.

Normal or Inevitable? originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Friday, April 23rd, 2010 at 06:25:03.

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