Toss Out Bad Memories?

Yesterday was "Good Riddance Day" in Times Square in New York City. Sponsored by the Time Square Alliance and Countdown Entertainment, participants were encouraged "to say goodbye, once and for all, to those bad memories of 2009" by discarding "any distasteful, embarrassing and downright depressing memories from 2009 ... A dumpster will be available for those un-shreddable items, and a sledgehammer will be on-hand to pulverize all those bad memories away." You can also share your bad memories online.

We wonder how many of the "Good Riddance Day" bad memories had to do with marriages. While it is an interesting idea, it is truly just symbolic. Bad memories can't just be tossed out or smashed to bits. Letting go of bad memories and past hurts requires forgiveness.

The positive side of "Good Riddance Day" is that people are taking the first step to letting go of bad memories and that is acknowledging them.

Toss Out Bad Memories? originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Tuesday, December 29th, 2009 at 00:38:32.

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Fathers and Sons and Being a Jerk

The troubled marriage of Tiger and Elin Woods continues to make headlines as reporters try to figure out why successful men like Tiger place marriage and family life in jeopardy. A sense of entitlement? Validation of manhood? Opportunity? Belief he can get away with it? Sex addiction?

Or maybe the reason some husbands cheat on their wives is what these men learned from their fathers.

Earl Woods: "I've told Tiger that marriage is unnecessary in a mobile society like ours."
Source: Karen Crouse. "Moony Eyes, Lilting Voice, Then a Stunner From Woods." NYTimes.com. 12/26/2009.

"... though I have never been an elite athlete, I work in the culture of the elite athlete, where infidelity isn't merely condoned, it's strongly encouraged ... saying the greatest golfer on the planet got married too young is a cheap cop-out that misses an essential point: that this is really about a man who has everything and nothing at the same time, a guy medicating with women to fill emotional gaps ... That hearing words such as "dog" or terms such as "commitment issues" only serves to mask real issues. We use them so people such as Tiger Woods never take the time to Google "Attachment Disorder" or "Love Addiction" or look at how their old man treated their mom and what kind of message that sent to a gifted child who would grow up to respect a game more than his wife."
Source: Mike Wise. "Tiger Woods Does Not Stand Alone." WashingtonPost.com. 12/26/2009.

Fathers and Sons and Being a Jerk originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Monday, December 28th, 2009 at 02:32:12.

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Surprise Your Spouse!

Do you want to impress your spouse? Then move out of your comfort zone when you plan a surprise for your spouse.

A surprise can backfire on you if you don't take care of all the planning details or make sure that what you are surprising your spouse with is something your mate really wants. When giving a gift, don't make the mistake Bob made on our first Christmas together. He gave me a sewing machine even though he knew I didn't like to sew.

The whole idea of a wonderful, pleasant surprise is to do or give something unexpectedly. If you've never given gifts on the Twelve Days of Christmas, that would be a fun surprise after Christmas.

Surprise Your Spouse! originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009 at 05:15:47.

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Don't Jump to Conclusions

Do you jump to conclusions when your spouse is talking with you? Are you more involved with watching the television or playing a computer game than really listening and maintaining eye contact during a conversation with your mate?

If so, these suggestions on how to improve your communication skills may help the two of you connect with one another.

Don't Jump to Conclusions originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Monday, December 21st, 2009 at 00:41:31.

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Happy Moments That Can Create Tears

Tonight was the night we decided to decorate the Christmas trees -- the main tree in our living room and a tiny tree in our bedroom. Bob was a bit bewildered as I started sniffling and getting teary-eyed as I pulled ornaments out of the boxes.

Two things hit me as we decorated the tree this evening. One was that I missed our kids. We always decorated our Christmas tree with our kids and so many of the ornaments reflect happy memories with our children. We've been a well adjusted empty nest couple for ten years, but there are moments that I miss them a lot. Tonight was one of those moments.

The other reason I got teary-eyed was my awareness of how many of the Bride's Tree ornaments we've collected through the years. I especially like a little bird feeder ornament and a tiny bell ornament. Both make me smile when I see them even if I am a bit teary-eyed at the same time!

Do you have any ornaments or holiday traditions that are special to you?

Happy Moments That Can Create Tears originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Saturday, December 19th, 2009 at 01:19:35.

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The Christmas Cold War

He liked lists; I liked surprises. Could we learn a new way to give?

Safe at Home for Christmas

What baseball, of all things, taught us about the importance of family time during the holidays.

He Knew How to Love Her

While we were researching the 66-year marriage of Evelyn and Oral Roberts, one quote said a lot about their long term marriage.

Evelyn: "There are two things he [Oral] can do and one of them is preach. And the other one is he knows how to love me. Thank the Lord he does because there are very few other things he knows how to do."
Source: David Edwin Harrell, Jr. Oral Roberts: an American Life. 1985. pg. 351.

Oral also mentioned things that Evelyn did that gives the impression that she knew how to love him, too. It appears that the couple had a sense of humor too.

Knowing how to love one another is so very vital in a marriage. Do you know how to love your spouse?

He Knew How to Love Her originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Tuesday, December 15th, 2009 at 19:50:37.

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No Matter What

Some couples place a very high value on unconditional love in their marriage. Are they being realistic?

Don't we all have a line that can't be crossed, something that we would consider a deal breaker in our marriage? For some, it may be physical abuse, for others it could be something like child porn or infidelity.

What about you? Do you believe in unconditional love in your marriage, no matter what? Is this something you and your spouse have talked about?

No Matter What originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Tuesday, December 15th, 2009 at 04:32:07.

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Indefinite Break?

Tiger Woods announced today he is taking an "indefinite break" to help save his marriage with Elin Nordegren.

Give me a break.

Really now. Do average people who cheated on their spouses have the luxury of taking an indefinite break from work to focus on "being a better husband, father, and person" and to give more attention to their marriage?

Actually, do cheaters even need to be with their spouses 24/7 for an indefinite period of time to save their marriages? Do their spouses want them around 24/7 during the healing process? Probably not. There's a lot to be said for having some time alone now and then.

We hope he is sincere about doing what he has to do to save his marriage after the affairs, but if Tiger can't work on his marriage while fulfilling his other obligations, what does that say? Just considering the economic impact on the golf industry of his hiding away for awhile, isn't Tiger Woods' decision to take this break from golf just another sign of his selfishness?

Indefinite Break? originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Saturday, December 12th, 2009 at 02:07:39.

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What We Read Today

As we read articles on the Internet, some touch our hearts, some tick us off, some fascinate us, some give interesting information, some provide meaningful quotations, some affirm what we believe, some challenge us, and some teach us something new. One of these articles ticked us off. Can you guess which one? Read more...

What We Read Today originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Thursday, December 10th, 2009 at 23:50:04.

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The Attic Fiasco

When you're lugging down Christmas decorations, stay on the rafters. Trust me on this one

Say You're Sorry!

An apology is still a great place to start, but it may not be enough when your spouse is really ticked off.

Computer Protocols -- Yours, Mine, Ours?

There's an interesting discussion on our Marriage Forum, "She Snooped", that questions the pros and cons of privacy on cell phones and computers versus total transparency.

How do you handle computer and internet use in your marriage? Do you have a list of rules about your passwords, usernames, email accounts, Facebook, Twitter, etc? Please share your story about how you and your spouse handle this issue.

Computer Protocols -- Yours, Mine, Ours? originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Monday, December 7th, 2009 at 04:43:42.

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Reflect. Rejoice. Renew.

The Christmas theme for the White House is "Reflect, Rejoice and Renew."

When we first read the press release from the White House, we thought that's a theme that could be good for married couples, too. Look at your schedule this month and save three blocks of time just for the two of you.

• Reflect on your life together. You could start a journal that you use each year for this reflection which you write together or you could write love letters to each other.
• Rejoice in your love for one another. Spend the time doing something you both enjoy doing that you haven't had the time to do lately. Remember to keep this celebration simple.
• Renew your commitment to each other and make plans together for next year. We're not talking New Year's resolutions but making a few goals for next year. It could also be a good time to have your annual financial talk.

Reflect. Rejoice. Renew. originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Friday, December 4th, 2009 at 00:41:24.

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Friends & Lovers

How we broke out of our rut and rejuvenated our marriage.

Downscaling Christmas

If you're addicted to a holiday high that ends with you in the dumps, try these ideas.

Another Day, Another Scandal

It is both with sadness and frustration that we added the marriage of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren to our list of marriage scandals.

Although in his public apology to his family Tiger wrote "Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions ...", the reality is Tiger made his fortune off his super celebrity status and he is or was a role model for many individuals. It definitely is harder for couples to work through their marriage problems in the midst of "tabloid scrutiny" but it can be done.

It is rather ironic that couples like Mayumi and Richard Heene and Tareq and Michaele Salahi will go to great lengths to achieve fame, while Tiger and Elin realize one of the difficult consequences of living their lives in the spotlight.

Another Day, Another Scandal originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009 at 12:18:33.

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A Wonderful Lack of Family Drama

Extended families (aka in-laws) can gather together and have a good time!

Our Thanksgiving holiday involved staying for three days at a very large house on a small, quiet, rural island with three dogs, four children under the age of five (4 1/2, 2, 1, and 5 months), three young couples, one family friend, and three sets of grandparents that included one pair of exes, members of all political persuasions, vegetarians and meat eaters -- and there was no squabbling, no heated discussions, and no family drama.

We did experience great and timely communication and too much good food. Everyone brought what they liked to drink and a pie. Folks were assigned a meal to be responsible for or foods to bring.

We all talked with each other -- about future dreams and plans, past and future vacations, staying healthy, remodeling, books, movies, kids, memories, cooking, dogs, cats, and shared pictures on laptops. We did not discuss politics or religion.

Television viewing was limited and consisted of old movies, cartoons, and Wii fitness games. Cell phone signal was non-existent. Folks were free to read, walk, work jigsaw puzzles, play with grandkids, talk, nap, go exploring, do some shopping, take a drive around the island, check email -- whatever they wanted.

Thanks Nola for your wonderful planning. And thanks to everyone there for help in making the time together a relaxing and wonderful gathering.

A Wonderful Lack of Family Drama originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Tuesday, December 1st, 2009 at 21:57:58.

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Eight Great Date Nights

Need a kick-start to your relationship? Check out these ideas.

Turn Your Fizzle ⦠Into Sizzle

Ditch these 6 attitudes that can make your marriage go flat.

Playing for Keeps

Stop playing these mind games and start strengthening your marriage.