Toss Out Bad Memories?

Yesterday was "Good Riddance Day" in Times Square in New York City. Sponsored by the Time Square Alliance and Countdown Entertainment, participants were encouraged "to say goodbye, once and for all, to those bad memories of 2009" by discarding "any distasteful, embarrassing and downright depressing memories from 2009 ... A dumpster will be available for those un-shreddable items, and a sledgehammer will be on-hand to pulverize all those bad memories away." You can also share your bad memories online.

We wonder how many of the "Good Riddance Day" bad memories had to do with marriages. While it is an interesting idea, it is truly just symbolic. Bad memories can't just be tossed out or smashed to bits. Letting go of bad memories and past hurts requires forgiveness.

The positive side of "Good Riddance Day" is that people are taking the first step to letting go of bad memories and that is acknowledging them.

Toss Out Bad Memories? originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Tuesday, December 29th, 2009 at 00:38:32.

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Fathers and Sons and Being a Jerk

The troubled marriage of Tiger and Elin Woods continues to make headlines as reporters try to figure out why successful men like Tiger place marriage and family life in jeopardy. A sense of entitlement? Validation of manhood? Opportunity? Belief he can get away with it? Sex addiction?

Or maybe the reason some husbands cheat on their wives is what these men learned from their fathers.

Earl Woods: "I've told Tiger that marriage is unnecessary in a mobile society like ours."
Source: Karen Crouse. "Moony Eyes, Lilting Voice, Then a Stunner From Woods." NYTimes.com. 12/26/2009.

"... though I have never been an elite athlete, I work in the culture of the elite athlete, where infidelity isn't merely condoned, it's strongly encouraged ... saying the greatest golfer on the planet got married too young is a cheap cop-out that misses an essential point: that this is really about a man who has everything and nothing at the same time, a guy medicating with women to fill emotional gaps ... That hearing words such as "dog" or terms such as "commitment issues" only serves to mask real issues. We use them so people such as Tiger Woods never take the time to Google "Attachment Disorder" or "Love Addiction" or look at how their old man treated their mom and what kind of message that sent to a gifted child who would grow up to respect a game more than his wife."
Source: Mike Wise. "Tiger Woods Does Not Stand Alone." WashingtonPost.com. 12/26/2009.

Fathers and Sons and Being a Jerk originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Monday, December 28th, 2009 at 02:32:12.

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Surprise Your Spouse!

Do you want to impress your spouse? Then move out of your comfort zone when you plan a surprise for your spouse.

A surprise can backfire on you if you don't take care of all the planning details or make sure that what you are surprising your spouse with is something your mate really wants. When giving a gift, don't make the mistake Bob made on our first Christmas together. He gave me a sewing machine even though he knew I didn't like to sew.

The whole idea of a wonderful, pleasant surprise is to do or give something unexpectedly. If you've never given gifts on the Twelve Days of Christmas, that would be a fun surprise after Christmas.

Surprise Your Spouse! originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009 at 05:15:47.

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Don't Jump to Conclusions

Do you jump to conclusions when your spouse is talking with you? Are you more involved with watching the television or playing a computer game than really listening and maintaining eye contact during a conversation with your mate?

If so, these suggestions on how to improve your communication skills may help the two of you connect with one another.

Don't Jump to Conclusions originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Monday, December 21st, 2009 at 00:41:31.

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Happy Moments That Can Create Tears

Tonight was the night we decided to decorate the Christmas trees -- the main tree in our living room and a tiny tree in our bedroom. Bob was a bit bewildered as I started sniffling and getting teary-eyed as I pulled ornaments out of the boxes.

Two things hit me as we decorated the tree this evening. One was that I missed our kids. We always decorated our Christmas tree with our kids and so many of the ornaments reflect happy memories with our children. We've been a well adjusted empty nest couple for ten years, but there are moments that I miss them a lot. Tonight was one of those moments.

The other reason I got teary-eyed was my awareness of how many of the Bride's Tree ornaments we've collected through the years. I especially like a little bird feeder ornament and a tiny bell ornament. Both make me smile when I see them even if I am a bit teary-eyed at the same time!

Do you have any ornaments or holiday traditions that are special to you?

Happy Moments That Can Create Tears originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Saturday, December 19th, 2009 at 01:19:35.

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The Christmas Cold War

He liked lists; I liked surprises. Could we learn a new way to give?

Safe at Home for Christmas

What baseball, of all things, taught us about the importance of family time during the holidays.

He Knew How to Love Her

While we were researching the 66-year marriage of Evelyn and Oral Roberts, one quote said a lot about their long term marriage.

Evelyn: "There are two things he [Oral] can do and one of them is preach. And the other one is he knows how to love me. Thank the Lord he does because there are very few other things he knows how to do."
Source: David Edwin Harrell, Jr. Oral Roberts: an American Life. 1985. pg. 351.

Oral also mentioned things that Evelyn did that gives the impression that she knew how to love him, too. It appears that the couple had a sense of humor too.

Knowing how to love one another is so very vital in a marriage. Do you know how to love your spouse?

He Knew How to Love Her originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Tuesday, December 15th, 2009 at 19:50:37.

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No Matter What

Some couples place a very high value on unconditional love in their marriage. Are they being realistic?

Don't we all have a line that can't be crossed, something that we would consider a deal breaker in our marriage? For some, it may be physical abuse, for others it could be something like child porn or infidelity.

What about you? Do you believe in unconditional love in your marriage, no matter what? Is this something you and your spouse have talked about?

No Matter What originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Tuesday, December 15th, 2009 at 04:32:07.

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Indefinite Break?

Tiger Woods announced today he is taking an "indefinite break" to help save his marriage with Elin Nordegren.

Give me a break.

Really now. Do average people who cheated on their spouses have the luxury of taking an indefinite break from work to focus on "being a better husband, father, and person" and to give more attention to their marriage?

Actually, do cheaters even need to be with their spouses 24/7 for an indefinite period of time to save their marriages? Do their spouses want them around 24/7 during the healing process? Probably not. There's a lot to be said for having some time alone now and then.

We hope he is sincere about doing what he has to do to save his marriage after the affairs, but if Tiger can't work on his marriage while fulfilling his other obligations, what does that say? Just considering the economic impact on the golf industry of his hiding away for awhile, isn't Tiger Woods' decision to take this break from golf just another sign of his selfishness?

Indefinite Break? originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Saturday, December 12th, 2009 at 02:07:39.

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What We Read Today

As we read articles on the Internet, some touch our hearts, some tick us off, some fascinate us, some give interesting information, some provide meaningful quotations, some affirm what we believe, some challenge us, and some teach us something new. One of these articles ticked us off. Can you guess which one? Read more...

What We Read Today originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Thursday, December 10th, 2009 at 23:50:04.

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The Attic Fiasco

When you're lugging down Christmas decorations, stay on the rafters. Trust me on this one

Say You're Sorry!

An apology is still a great place to start, but it may not be enough when your spouse is really ticked off.

Computer Protocols -- Yours, Mine, Ours?

There's an interesting discussion on our Marriage Forum, "She Snooped", that questions the pros and cons of privacy on cell phones and computers versus total transparency.

How do you handle computer and internet use in your marriage? Do you have a list of rules about your passwords, usernames, email accounts, Facebook, Twitter, etc? Please share your story about how you and your spouse handle this issue.

Computer Protocols -- Yours, Mine, Ours? originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Monday, December 7th, 2009 at 04:43:42.

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Reflect. Rejoice. Renew.

The Christmas theme for the White House is "Reflect, Rejoice and Renew."

When we first read the press release from the White House, we thought that's a theme that could be good for married couples, too. Look at your schedule this month and save three blocks of time just for the two of you.

• Reflect on your life together. You could start a journal that you use each year for this reflection which you write together or you could write love letters to each other.
• Rejoice in your love for one another. Spend the time doing something you both enjoy doing that you haven't had the time to do lately. Remember to keep this celebration simple.
• Renew your commitment to each other and make plans together for next year. We're not talking New Year's resolutions but making a few goals for next year. It could also be a good time to have your annual financial talk.

Reflect. Rejoice. Renew. originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Friday, December 4th, 2009 at 00:41:24.

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Friends & Lovers

How we broke out of our rut and rejuvenated our marriage.

Downscaling Christmas

If you're addicted to a holiday high that ends with you in the dumps, try these ideas.

Another Day, Another Scandal

It is both with sadness and frustration that we added the marriage of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren to our list of marriage scandals.

Although in his public apology to his family Tiger wrote "Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions ...", the reality is Tiger made his fortune off his super celebrity status and he is or was a role model for many individuals. It definitely is harder for couples to work through their marriage problems in the midst of "tabloid scrutiny" but it can be done.

It is rather ironic that couples like Mayumi and Richard Heene and Tareq and Michaele Salahi will go to great lengths to achieve fame, while Tiger and Elin realize one of the difficult consequences of living their lives in the spotlight.

Another Day, Another Scandal originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009 at 12:18:33.

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A Wonderful Lack of Family Drama

Extended families (aka in-laws) can gather together and have a good time!

Our Thanksgiving holiday involved staying for three days at a very large house on a small, quiet, rural island with three dogs, four children under the age of five (4 1/2, 2, 1, and 5 months), three young couples, one family friend, and three sets of grandparents that included one pair of exes, members of all political persuasions, vegetarians and meat eaters -- and there was no squabbling, no heated discussions, and no family drama.

We did experience great and timely communication and too much good food. Everyone brought what they liked to drink and a pie. Folks were assigned a meal to be responsible for or foods to bring.

We all talked with each other -- about future dreams and plans, past and future vacations, staying healthy, remodeling, books, movies, kids, memories, cooking, dogs, cats, and shared pictures on laptops. We did not discuss politics or religion.

Television viewing was limited and consisted of old movies, cartoons, and Wii fitness games. Cell phone signal was non-existent. Folks were free to read, walk, work jigsaw puzzles, play with grandkids, talk, nap, go exploring, do some shopping, take a drive around the island, check email -- whatever they wanted.

Thanks Nola for your wonderful planning. And thanks to everyone there for help in making the time together a relaxing and wonderful gathering.

A Wonderful Lack of Family Drama originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Tuesday, December 1st, 2009 at 21:57:58.

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Eight Great Date Nights

Need a kick-start to your relationship? Check out these ideas.

Turn Your Fizzle ⦠Into Sizzle

Ditch these 6 attitudes that can make your marriage go flat.

Playing for Keeps

Stop playing these mind games and start strengthening your marriage.

Holiday Negotiations

How to divide the holidays so that both extended families are happy

Living with an Intruder

We wondered what good could possibly come from my wife's illness.

Married ... but Lonely

It doesn't have to stay that way. Try these ideas to bring your spouse closer.

Celebrate Advent Together

Check out this Advent calendar that can help enhance your relationship while you enjoy the holidays this year. It is a countdown to Christmas with a new link for couples each day. Be sure to check back every day to see what is behind the next date.

We also recommend that you not put off thinking about and shopping for a gift. for your spouse. Also consider celebrating the The 12 Days of Christmas for Lovers this year! It is an inexpensive way to have fun and show your love.

Celebrate Advent Together originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Sunday, November 29th, 2009 at 00:05:47.

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You Can Make Choices When You Visit Your In-Laws

For many couples, spending holidays or other special life-cycle events with in-laws and other extended family members creates hassles and marital stress. That doesn't have to happen.

The most important thing you can do is to be up front with one another and with your in-laws and other family members about your expectations of the holidays. If you really don't want to watch a football game or a holiday movie you've seen a dozen times, say so!

Plan some alternative activities. You probably aren't the only one at the family gathering who would like to do something a bit different! We're taking our Wii Fit Plus and Wii Sports Resorts with us to our family gathering. I've been practicing ...

You Can Make Choices When You Visit Your In-Laws originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Wednesday, November 25th, 2009 at 00:52:21.

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Name Change Comment Bothers Me

Recently Heidi Klum legally changed her name. The comment that bothers me is "The bond between Heidi Klum and husband Seal just got a little closer. On Friday, a Los Angeles commissioner approved Klum's legal name change to Heidi Samuel, her husband's surname."

I don't think taking on your spouse's name is a way to being closer to your spouse. Your thoughts?

Name Change Comment Bothers Me originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Monday, November 23rd, 2009 at 17:59:06.

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Too Many Long Hours at Work?

As the holidays get closer, if you find your spouse is crankier than normal, it could be because you are working too many hours and you are not doing your share in getting things ready for the holidays.

One of the best things you can do is to have a talk with your spouse about the holidays.

• Set up a plan and a schedule.
• Follow through on what you agree to do. Don't break your promise!
• Make time for just the two of you during the holidays.

We also like Diane Fassel's suggestion to "Designate certain times, like Friday nights, when you and your spouse both agree to lock those gadgets [tech type] in a drawer."
Source: Maureen Farrell. "10 Ways to Survive a Workaholic Spouse Maureen Farrell." Forbes.com. 11/19/2009.

Too Many Long Hours at Work? originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Saturday, November 21st, 2009 at 03:25:27.

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Great Example of How to Destroy Your Marriage

Although we were not big fans of the Roseanne show in the 1980s, I watched an episode the other night on late TV. If you want an example of how to destroy your marriage, watch this portion of "Fights and Stuff" -- Season 8, Episode 25 of Roseanne. It is obvious that the fight was not a fair fight.

Dan and Roseanne did everything in that fight that a married couple shouldn't do when angry. Read more...

Great Example of How to Destroy Your Marriage originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009 at 04:59:22.

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Surprising Results

The results of two of our more popular polls, "Are You Happily Married?" and "Would You Marry Your Spouse Again?", continue to surprise us.

Although we believe that marriage is not and can not be the primary source of your happiness, we are surprised to see so many negative responses to the questions. Do you think it is because more of our readers are in unhappy marriages than in happy marriages?

Surprising Results originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Monday, November 16th, 2009 at 04:04:46.

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Don't Wait for the Perfect Moment

If you think you owe your spouse an apology, you need to apologize right away. If you postpone making an apology because you are waiting for the perfect moment or the right words, you will end up hurting your marriage.

Gary Chapman: "Your relationships will never reach their potential until you learn to apologize."
Source: Gary Chapman, Jennifer Thomas. The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships. Northfield Publishing. 2006. pg. 125.

Hopefully, you want to apologize to your spouse because you want to help ease and eventually end the hurt and pain you caused, because you love your spouse, and because you want to do what you can to insure that your marriage is on solid ground.

Your spouse doesn't need perfection from you. What is needed is being sincere and genuine and keeping your promises.

Don't Wait for the Perfect Moment originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Thursday, November 12th, 2009 at 06:00:16.

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Have You Had the Holiday Traditions Talk Yet?

We think it is important that you make time before the holidays to reevaluate your holiday traditions. Just because you always put twinkling lights outside doesn't mean you have to do it every year.

As your lives and circumstances change, your traditions and rituals need to be part of that changing process. We'll be having that talk ourselves in a few days.

Photo: Digital Vision / Getty Images

Have You Had the Holiday Traditions Talk Yet? originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Monday, November 9th, 2009 at 16:05:36.

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Share How You Survived When Your Spouse Cheated

If you were/are the victim of infidelity, we have a favor to ask of you. No one will share the exact same feelings of hurt, betrayal, anger, confusion, and fear that you experienced when you learned that your spouse cheated on you. However, telling your story of how you coped may help others deal with their own pain and sense of loss when faced with the trauma of unfaithfulness.

Whether your marriage survived or not, your road to healing can let others know there is hope for better tomorrows after the heartache of infidelity. Please share how you coped with infidelity in your marriage.

Share How You Survived When Your Spouse Cheated originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Saturday, November 7th, 2009 at 17:30:02.

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Why is Forgiving So Difficult?

Being able to forgive keeps both your marriage and yourself healthy. Yet for many people, admitting to making mistakes and forgiving others is difficult.

One reason you may have difficulty forgiving is your pride or because you are still too angry. Or you don't want to be seen as weak. Perhaps you want your spouse to suffer. Additionally, forgiveness can be hard if you think that your mate is not having to pay any consequences for the hurtful behavior.

Read more...

Why is Forgiving So Difficult? originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Friday, November 6th, 2009 at 05:59:27.

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JP Bardwell Resigns!

Great news! Keith Bardwell resigned as a justice of the peace today! He didn't give a reason and honestly, we don't care why he resigned. We're just glad that he did resign.

Keith Bardwell's term as justice of the peace was set to run through 2014.

Bardwell: "I do hereby resign the office of Justice of the Peace for the Eighth Ward of Tangipahoa Parish, Louisiana, effective November 3, 2009."
Source: Melinda Deslatte. "La. justice quits after interracial wed flap." SFGate.com. 11/03/2009.

In case you don't remember who he is, Bardwell made news in October 2009 when he refused to marry an interracial couple.

JP Bardwell Resigns! originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009 at 20:12:51.

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Seeing the Sacred

Moving beyond promises.

The Secret Mind-blowing Actual Purpose of Marriage

And how it has your parents written all over it

Younger, Smarter Wives?

Looking for a magic formula for a perfect marriage?

According to a study published by the European Journal of Operational Research, after mathematicians from Bath University assessed "the age difference, cultural and educational background and divorce history of all the couples", they figured that guys could have a perfect marriage if they married a women who was smarter and at least five years younger.

Read more...

Younger, Smarter Wives? originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Sunday, November 1st, 2009 at 03:50:34.

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Has Losing Weight Hurt Your Marriage?

It may be hard to understand, but there are spouses who have mixed feelings when their mate loses weight. Subtle sabotage and attempts to undermine any weight loss success can happen.

An intimidated, jealous, or threatened spouse may have feelings of:

• Envy.
• Fear and jealousy.
• Anger.

Read more...

Has Losing Weight Hurt Your Marriage? originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Saturday, October 31st, 2009 at 05:10:33.

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The Presidency and Marriage

Speaking about their "public marriage, private smiles" relationship with Jodi Kantor for The New York Times, the first couple talked about date nights, difficult times, and reality checks.

In the "The First Marriage", the Obamas spoke about the impact of the presidency on their marriage. In the article, Kantor looked back at the early days of the Obama marriage, visited one of their first apartments, reflected on their marriage on the campaign trail, talked about life in the White House, and thought about the years ahead for Michelle and Barack Obama.

Some quotes from the article:

President Obama: "What I value most about my marriage is Read more...

The Presidency and Marriage originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Thursday, October 29th, 2009 at 02:20:13.

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Sticks and Stones â¦

3 surprising ways your words impact your spouse.

When the Other Woman Is His Job

It may not be adultery, but it's unfaithfulness in other ways.

Latest Halloween Costume Suggestions

If the Halloween costumes for couples already listed on our site aren't what you are looking for, perhaps some of these recent suggestions by our readers will work for you.

Lucy and Rick Ricardo from the I Love Lucy show ~~ Laura J.

Mork and Mindy ~~ Hollie K.

Tarzan and Jane ~~ Laura J.

King Kong and Ann Darrow ~~ Laura J.

Zombie couple ~~ Suzanne M.

Zorro and Elena ~~ Laura J.

Hamburger and Fries ~~ Laura J.

Maid for Money (sexy maid outfit with play money pinned to costume) and Money Man (money pinned to his clothing) ~~ Connie M.

Nurse and Doctor ~~ Laura J.

Grim Reaper and a Hair Brush (a brush with death) ~~ Gregg P.

Sandwich and Chips ~~ Laura J.

Calvin and Hobbes ~~ Erik A.

Bat and Ball ~~ Laura J.

Ball and Glove ~~ Laura J.

Book and Library Card ~~ Marsha S.

Johnny Cash and June Carter ~~ Laura J.

Kanye West and Taylor Swift ~~ T.

Roy Rogers and Dale Evans ~~ Laura J.

Ticket and Popcorn ~~ Laura J.

Computer and Printer ~~ Laura J.

Mary and Joseph ~~ G.J.

Table and Chair ~~ Laura J.

Fork and Spoon ~~ Laura J.

Knife and Fork ~~ Laura J.

Balloons and Confetti ~~ Laura J.

Bow and Gift ~~ Laura J.

Wallet and Money ~~ Laura J.

Kate and Jon Gosselin ~~ Phil J.

David Letterman and Regina Lasko ~~ Sally P.

Bernie and Ruth Madoff ~~ Joan C.

Characters from Lost ~~ Mary D. Ideas

Where the Wild Things Are Characters ~~ Lilah S.

Dorothy and a Tornado ~~ Pam G.

Seal and Heidi Klum ~~ George W.

Michelle and Barack Obama ~~ Sheila Y.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie ~~ Jared B.

Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson ~~ Jerry E.

Amelia Earhart and George Putnam ~~ Nancy O.

Soap and Sponge ~~ Laura J.

Latest Halloween Costume Suggestions originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 at 03:13:17.

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Not Enough! Tougher Alienation of Affection Law in North Carolina

When we heard that North Carolina was changing the alienation of affection law, we thought this might be the beginning of rational thought in the few states that allow alienation of affection lawsuits.

But that is not the case. All the legislators changed in North Carolina was to make it a bit harder to sue a spouse's lover. As of October 1, 2009 if the extramarital affair started after a married couple is separated, the alienation of affection law cannot be used.

What's next? Considering a man cave as part of an alienation of affection lawsuit? Apparently, for some ... yes.

Commenting about Brad Pitt's man cave, John Harlow wrote: Read more...

Not Enough! Tougher Alienation of Affection Law in North Carolina originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Monday, October 26th, 2009 at 03:45:02.

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Can You Spot a Devoted Spouse?

One of the ways we spot devoted spouses is not only how they treat their partners but also how they look at their mates. You can often see patience, kindness, and love in their eyes and in their facial expression.

Robin Schoenthaler's article, "Will he hold your purse?" points out how to spot a devoted spouse.

Read more...

Can You Spot a Devoted Spouse? originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Sunday, October 25th, 2009 at 16:00:24.

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Set Aside Time Each Week

The blog Dumb Little Man recently featured an article "How to Be Your Own Life Coach and Save Some Cash." Some of the ideas could be helpful to married couples, too.

The idea of setting aside an hour each week to talk with one another about your "goals, dreams, ambitions, and problem areas" is terrific. This type of sharing yourself is vital to having a healthy and intimate marriage. Remember to share your feelings, too.

Read more...

Set Aside Time Each Week originally appeared on About.com ! Marriage on Saturday, October 24th, 2009 at 02:33:42.

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Falling Stars

During our first month of dating, one of the things we did was to sit outside and watch for falling stars in the Nevada sky. We had to drive out of town to avoid the lights of Las Vegas, but being close to one another and sharing our dreams with one another was worth the drive!

I'm not sure if a meteor shower is the same as falling stars, but the Orionids meteor shower appears every year at this time and gives you a reason (other than being romantic) to sit outdoors and hold hands.

Falling Stars originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Wednesday, October 21st, 2009 at 23:01:17.

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Facing My Fears

Eating My Own Words

There are things in marriage I said I'd never doâ€"then did!

Plan Now for the Holidays

When we first married, we were an interfaith couple. Our families were both very rooted in family traditions.

Our first Thanksgiving and Christmas, just a little over a month after our wedding, were both extremely stressful. We didn't have a mutual plan on how to handle the holidays and disappointment and misunderstandings surrounded the family events.

That first holiday season taught us the importance of talking about the holidays and making plans we could both accept. Don't let the holiday tug of war hurt your marriage! Plan now for the holidays!

Plan Now for the Holidays originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Tuesday, October 20th, 2009 at 02:30:55.

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Storm Chasers Create Storm

Richard and Mayumi Heene reportedly wanted publicity. Well, the apparent stunt that they allegedly planned two weeks ago created enormous publicity along with serious legal problems for their family.

Additionally, law enforcement authorities voiced concerns about domestic violence in the family. This makes us wonder how well Mayumi and Richard Heene will handle the storm they created for their own family.

Read more...

Storm Chasers Create Storm originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Sunday, October 18th, 2009 at 17:16:27.

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Justice of the Peace Outrage

We are outraged. We've been told we shouldn't rush to judgment about the Louisiana Justice of Peace who refused to marry an interracial couple, Beth Humphrey and Terence McKay. Why not rush to judgment on this issue?

Apparently this isn't the first time that Keith Bardwell has refused to marry interracial couples saying that most interracial marriages do not last long. Bardwell has been a justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish's 8th Ward for 34 years.

Read more...

Justice of the Peace Outrage originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Friday, October 16th, 2009 at 14:12:06.

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Sabotage From Within

While there is a lot of talk in the news about how the institution of marriage is under attack, we think the real sabotage to marriages comes from within when a spouse says one thing and does another, breaks promises, criticizes and undermines the other, is forgetful on purpose, etc.

I saw a couple in the grocery store today and couldn't believe the way she was talking to him -- so many put downs and insults. That type of sabotage can kill a marriage.

It's not easy, but you can try to save your marriage from sabotage by recognizing the sabotage and not making excuses for your spouse's negative behavior.

Be honest and tell your spouse that the sabotage needs to stop. If it doesn't, then seek professional marriage counseling.

Sabotage From Within originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Thursday, October 15th, 2009 at 01:04:58.

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Spirituality and Sex?

What 4 Christian sex therapists wish you knew.

Landing the Helicopter

A new mother-in-law ponders her role in her married "kids'" lives

Free Second Honeymoons to Save Marriages

Do you think a free second honeymoon can save a marriage on the brink of divorce?

According to community development committee chairman Ashaari Idris, after conducting a pilot project earlier in 2009, the Malaysian state of Terengganu believes the holiday package, which includes marriage counselling sessions, will help couples to "treasure their marital ties and avoid separations."

CBS News reports "couples will be allowed to spend two nights at the state's scenic islands or beach resorts to help them rekindle their romance under a "Second Honeymoon" program. Ashaari says the state government hopes to launch the plan soon "to resolve marital problems and to create models of exemplary families."

We are strong supporters of married couples making time for romantic getaways, even if it is for one night now and then. We sincerely hope that the Malaysian program does help couples in troubled marriages.

Free Second Honeymoons to Save Marriages originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Tuesday, October 13th, 2009 at 00:05:24.

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Slowing Down

Slowing down, or unplugging, or recharging, or re-creating is generally described as an individual need. Reading Alana B. Elias Kornfeld's article, "How We Unplug & Recharge" made us think of how couples need to unplug and recharge, too, in order to make sure their marriage doesn't run on empty.

We like to walk together, especially on the beach. Watching an old classic romance movie together is both enjoyable and re-creating for us. Some other ways we can recharge as a couple are sitting in a hot tub, meandering through an antique store, taking a nap, watching ships on the river, getting rid of stuff we don't need both physically and emotionally, and going for a drive in our scenic area. Individually, Bob works in his garden to feel closer to nature and I enjoy re-reading favorite books.

How do you recharge and unplug as a couple? Please share how the two of you recharge.

Slowing Down originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Sunday, October 11th, 2009 at 02:56:27.

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Two More Marriage Myths

Back in March 2002, marriage researcher David Popenoe listed ten marriage myths. Unfortunately, from what we read in our emails and on the marriage forums, those myths are still believed by many people.

Two other marriage myths that need to be dispelled are "all you need is love" and "it's okay to ask for help with chores."

We do place love first on our list of qualities for a successful marriage, but the list is a long one. Asking your spouse to help with household chores is a mistake. Asking for help implies that the responsibility for the chores belongs to just you. Chores around the house should be considered shared responsibilities.

What marriage myths would you like to see disappear? Share more myths.

Fear-Free Finances

Creating stability on a variable income.

80 Years Together!

Paul and Georgia Bradley, who live in Indiana, are celebrating their 80th wedding anniversary.

"Now 98 years old, the Bradleys have spent almost their entire lives by each other's side. The happy couple says each day is still an adventure full of romance and humor, and they're still in love after all these years."
Source: "Ind. couple celebrates 80 years of marriage." ABCLocal.go.com. 10/06/2009.

How wonderful. Though we do have to question their comments on a video. Paul said they never had an argument and Georgia responded that she just let him win. That may have worked for the Bradleys, but we don't recommend not ever having an argument! Most marriage experts agree that learning healthy conflict management skills is vital to having a successful long lasting marriage.

Marriage Scandals -- A Slippery Slope?

Headlines about marriage scandals, usually unfaithful spouses in political marriages, frequent the news these days. Warning signs were evident in some of the marriages, but some spouses were seemingly surprised by the news. A few of the marriages ended in divorce and some married couples hit by scandal are still together.

The lack of public outrage over the recent David Letterman scandal has some marriage experts concerned that individuals are getting too used to marriage scandals and that our society is on a slippery slope towards more failed marriages.

We don't think so. We think the Letterman, Ensign, Edwards, and Sanford scandals can remind people of the negative impact of stupid, selfish decisions on their lives, the lives of their spouse and children, their careers, and their families.

Vote in one of the Marriage Polls

What are your thoughts about cohabitation, confessing a one-night stand, marrying your spouse again, whether or not opposites attract, and the importance of traditions in your marriage?

Share your thoughts and opinions on these and other topics by participating in one of our Marriage Polls.

Women and Happiness

While much is being written about the happiness of women, we believe that you can't depend on anyone or anything to make you happy. Happiness must come from within yourself.

Marcus Buckingham: "... since 1972, women's overall level of happiness has dropped, both relative to where they were forty years ago, and relative to men. You find this drop in happiness in women regardless of whether they have kids, how many kids they have, how much money they make, how healthy they are, what job they hold, whether they are married, single or divorced, how old they are, or what race they are. (The one and only exception: African-American women are now slightly happier than they were back in 1972, although they remain less happy than African American men.) ... And, in case you're wondering, this finding is neither unique to this one study, nor is it unique to the United States."
Source: What's Happening to Women's Happiness?" 9/17/2009.

Current research confirms at least three First Ladies nailed the happiness issue.

Martha Washington: "The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposition and not on our circumstances."
Source: Marcus Buckingham. "What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently." HuffingtonPost.com. 9/28/2009.

Betty Ford: "I was giving too much of myself and not taking any time out for Betty ..."
Source: Kati Marton. Hidden Power: Presidential Marriages That Shaped Our History. pg. 208.

Michelle Obama: "Throughout my life, I've learned to make choices that make me happy and make sense for me. Even my husband is happier when I'm happy. So I have freed myself to put me on the priority list and say, yes, I can make choices that make me happy, and it will ripple and benefit my kids, my husband and my physical health."
Source: Darlene Superville. "Michelle Obama to women: Do what makes you happy." Associated Press. 9/28/2009.

Peaks, Valleys, and Rails

Maybe married life isn't just about reaching the mountaintops and avoiding the dark times.

A Family of Two

We didn't choose to be child-less, but we've discovered some great things about our marriage because of it.

So Why Not?

In January 2009, when Khloe Kardashian split with another NBA player, Rashad McCants, she said, "Our time together was just so limited because of both of our schedules that we decided it is best not to be in a committed relationship." We wonder what has changed. Surely Lamar Odom's schedule is just as hectic.

A source close to Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom said in an article at People.com, "It's [their wedding] going to make for huge ratings, and Khloe and Lamar are sure about everything, so they all figured, ˜Why not?!"

So why not? We are concerned whenever a high profile couple has a whirlwind romance and then rushes to the altar. Getting married so quickly and without any quality premarital education is not a good example to set for other couples. We sincerely hope that Khloe and Lamar don't join our list of shortest celebrity marriages.

Can a Movie Boost Love Letters?

John Keats, the 19th century romantic poet, wrote three of his poems during a two-year love affair with Fanny Brawne.

Kristin Fritz, in her article, "Will 'Bright Star' Revive the Love Letter?" asks:

"Whatever happened to love letters, to love poems ... to that classic kind of romance? ... Is the art of the love poem and the love letter lost? In this digital day and age, long, hand-written, thoughtful letters -- let alone poems -- seem so far from our minds as we dash off 160-character texts, e-mails and instant messages on the fly. Everything and everyone seem to be going paperless and, with that, seemingly thoughtless. Is there a chance, however, for a resurgence of interest in the thoughtful, time-consuming written word?"

We hope the answer to her question is yes and that folks, especially married folks, will write more love letters. Let us know what you think of the movie Bright Star.

Oh, and even if you are not a lover of poetry or a fan of romantic movies, read a few of Keats's words. They may inspire your own creative juices as you write a love letter to your spouse.

Looking for Something To Do Today?

We encourage, actually nag, couples to have date nights. Here is an opportunity for you two to have a date day. Thanks to Museum Day, hundreds of museums will offer free general admission on Saturday, September 26, 2009.

Take a few minutes to discover participating museums close to your home. You will need to print out an admission card.

I love visiting museums and through the years, Bob has developed an appreciation for what museums have to offer, too. We were delighted to see that even though we live in a small town, there is a participating museum near us.

Rest, Renew, & Retreat

A couple's spiritual getaway doesn't have to be the typical prayer, fasting, and religious routine.

Sleeping Separately -- A Good Idea For Some Couples

There's a lot to be said for getting a good night's sleep. More studies are emphasizing the importance of getting enough sleep. Our own unscientific poll on being willing to have separate beds reflects people wanting to be able to sleep soundly and through the night.

Sophie Keller shares 9 reasons to sleep separately. The bottom line she says is your health.

"Sleeping separately can initially take a lot of guts to try it out, because you have to dispel the belief that it is not good for your relationship and not be too concerned about being judged by others. The most important aspects to think about are, what is best for your health? And what is best for the longevity of your relationship? Then make a joint decision from there."

Bob just finished wallpapering our bedroom. As soon as he gets the new flooring down, we will have our bedroom back and our bed back! I do so miss our bed. Even though we aren't the most compatible couple when it comes to sleeping, we do prefer sleeping together. But now and then, we each really need an uninterrupted night of sleep and we snooze in separate rooms.

If your incompatible sleep habits wear you down due to your lack of sleep, consider sleeping apart. It is okay. It doesn't mean your marriage is in trouble.

Do You Feel Helpless in Your Marriage?

I walked the beach today and noticed a mom consoling a young boy who was devastated as his sand castle was washed away by the incoming ocean waves. I remember that feeling of helplessness as a kid and I remember that feeling of helplessness as a wife and as a mother and as a daughter and as a friend and as a citizen of this world.

All of us will have moments of feeling helpless. Some of those helpless moments will wash over us like the ocean waves and nearly knock us over. Other helpless feelings won't be as lasting or as intense. But they will appear uninvited in our lives.

I think it is critical that you and your spouse can talk about these feelings of helplessness when they happen. Don't try to hide them and don't try to ignore them.

Rosh Hashanah and Interfaith Couples

For many Jewish-Christian interfaith couples, Rosh Hashanah begins the seasonal challenge of how to observe and respect one another's religious traditions.

Some spouses decide to provide a thoughtful Rosh Hashanah meal while others find meaningful ways to show their support of their spouse's faith traditions. Here are coping tips for interfaith couples dealing with the issue of winter holiday celebrations.

Dance With Your Spouse!

The Rod Run to the End of the World is this weekend. Watching all the vintage cars drive by our home is like being in a time warp! I was hoping there would be a 50s dance this weekend, but haven't found it on the Rod Run schedule.

A way to increase the romance and intimacy in your marriage and to be healthier, is dancing together.

With all the hype over dancing shows such as "Dancing With Stars," more married couples are dancing with one another on a regular basis. If you need encouragement to start dancing with your spouse, read the many reasons to dance with your spouse.

Poll:
How often do you and your spouse dance together? Vote!

Negative or Positive?

Negativity wears me down. After viewing too much negativity on the news or listening to someone whine on and on, I want to run to the beach to escape. This happened to me today when a person I haven't heard from for years and years and years found our phone number and called me.

Negativity can wear you down, too. If the negativity is from either you or your spouse, the negative vibes can wear down your marriage. How do you see yourself in your marriage? Are you a positive person or a negative person?

If you find yourself leaning more to a negative personality, consider Jack Canfield's steps to staying positive in down times. I particularly like his suggestion to believe in yourself, to stop complaining, and to use affirmations to build your own self-confidence. I would also add to accept that your spouse's role in life is NOT to make you whole. Filling your basic emotional needs is your job.

Are You Completely Honest With Your Spouse?

Are you completely honest with your spouse? Should you be completely honest with your spouse? In an article at Lifehack.org, Dustin Wax asks "Can You Be Truly Honest?" If your spouse wants to know how you liked dinner, and you didn't like dinner, is telling a little white lie all that bad?

According to Wax, "Why have a fight with your spouse over an outfit when it's so much easier to just say "you look great, honey"? ... If you could be totally honest, at least with the people who matter most in your life, what would change? Would it be better or worse?

We do believe in your right to privacy even though you are married. But there are limits to this. While you may have what you consider valid reasons for keeping a secret or for lying, we believe that withholding necessary information about important issues in your relationship such as finances or illness can seriously hurt your marriage.