We Agree With The Title

When we watched the movie "When Love is Not Enough: The Lois Wilson Story" that portrayed the apparent unconditional love of Lois Wilson for her husband Bill Wilson, our initial reaction was that we agree with the title that love is not enough..

"... during the course of their years together, Lois puts up with about 110% more garbage than a modern woman would today. Bill's drinking and recovery costs her everything, including the family home, but it's always clear that this couple is devoted to each other ... 'Love' is a pleasant, burnished look at two intertwined lives. A second layer to their relationship goes ignored -- nary a hint of Bill's real-life philandering emerges, for example -- but it's a biopic, not a miniseries, after all."
Source: Reuters. "Cheers! AA Founder's Wife Gets hallmark Treatment." NYTimes.com. 4/21/2010.

While the Hallmark commercials had me getting teary eyed, the movie didn't have an emotional impact on us. Perhaps it is because we researched Bill and Lois Wilson's marriage before seeing the movie, so there were no surprises.

We Agree With The Title originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Monday, April 26th, 2010 at 06:02:09.

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Interesting Discoveries in America at Home

A rainy, chilly morning provided me with a reason to get comfy in my favorite chair with a few library books today. I decided to not read about marriage, but still discovered some interesting statistics and trivia about married couples.

When we asked readers if they would marry their spouse again, out of around 8000 votes 52% said no, 28% said yes, 17% said they didn't know, and 1% said they already did get remarried to their former spouse. The statistics quoted in America at Home are a bit different.

"80 percent of married men say they would marry the same woman if they took a time machine back to the day they got married. Only 50 percent of married woman would do the same."
Source: Rick Smolan, Jennifer Erwitt. America at Home: A Close-Up Look at How We Live. 2008. pg. 141.

When talking with married couples about date nights, we recommend getting out of the house. America at Home pictured an elderly couple who prove that isn't always necessary. They have the same date night every week -- at home.

"Aino and John Katsos, 86 and 90, ask their friends not to call them between 6 and 8 in the evening. That's when they listen to their extensive record collection, reminisce, or talk about the world. She was a teacher; he was a seaman. On Friday nights, they add dinner and candlelight to the mix."
Source: Rick Smolan, Jennifer Erwitt. America at Home: A Close-Up Look at How We Live. 2008. pg. 36.

The other books I read were about the lost dreams of families due to the erosion of beaches in the Pacific Northwest. They were informative, and the couples and families profiled were determined folks, but the pictures of crumbling homes and destroyed towns was depressing. I'm glad the last book I read during my escape this morning was America at Home. (Compare Prices)

Interesting Discoveries in America at Home originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Saturday, April 24th, 2010 at 04:11:12.

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Normal or Inevitable?

We hope you don't fall into the trap of thinking that it is normal or inevitable for your relationship to fade or decline or continually be in a rut through your years together. Yes, there are stages that your marriage may experience, but it doesn't mean that your marriage is doomed to be without passion.

If you feel "disappointed, defensive or critical towards your partner", Douglas LaBier, Ph.D., recommends using what he calls the "art of creative indifference" to revitalize your marriage. LaBier describes this approach as refraining from "engaging in those old ways."

"You can never make your partner change or be different. You can only change how you deal with, respond to, and conduct yourself towards him or her."
Source: Douglas LaBier, Ph.D. "A Declining Relationship? Recharge It Through 'Indifference.'" PsychologyToday.com 4/22/2010.

While we agree with LaBier about not being able to change your spouse and the importance of changing your own responses, we think his use of the term "creative indifference" may confuse folks. If you are in a difficult marriage that only you want to change, we recommend that you accept that you can't change your spouse, face the issues and realities in your marriage, make time to get to know yourself again, consider giving your marriage a spring cleaning, and find ways to respond differently when the two of you have the same arguments over and over.

Normal or Inevitable? originally appeared on About.com Marriage on Friday, April 23rd, 2010 at 06:25:03.

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